Tomás Ó Flatharta

Looking at Things from the Left

Snow Black – A Modern Fairy Tale – English Monarchy Dissected by Irish Feminist Rosita Sweetman

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Meghan Markle as Snow Black; England’s Wicked Queen as England’s Wicked Queen and so on – all are present in this dark fairy tale.

Snow Black – A Modern Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there was a beautiful Queen. One day she pricked her finger. Three drops of blood fell on her black windowsill. Looking out at the winter snow the Queen said, I wish for a son with golden red hair, a black daughter in law, both with hearts as white as snow.

The Queen gave birth to a baby boy with golden red hair.

Then the Queen died. Everyone thought it was an accident but actually the Queen was desperately unhappy. The King was not a good man. He had deceived the Queen into marrying him while all the time he was having sex with another married woman. As soon as the beautiful Queen was out of the way he and the other woman got married.

The son grew up into a handsome boy. One day on Instagram he saw a girl making funny faces. Who’s that, he said. She was a beautiful black girl. They got together and fell passionately in love.

The Wicked Queen almost got sick when she saw Snow Black. She was so beautiful! Worse, everyone in the kingdom adored her!

The Wicked Queen, who spent thousands of ££’s every week on clothes, hair styles, shoes, bags, facials, had a magic mirror. She stared into it every day: Mirror mirror on the wall! Who is the fairest of us all? The mirror longed to say, Well it’s certainly not you love, but knew it had to say, You, dear Queen of course!

This day the Magic Mirror couldn’t help itself. When the Queen snatched it up and began her usual shouted, Mirror,mirror, without thinking the Mirror said: No contest! Snow Black is way better looking, and way, WAY nicer than you lot.

The Queen nearly exploded with rage.

From that day on she determined to poison the King against his son and his beautiful girl, Snow Black. To turn everyone in the kingdom against her and the Prince.

The Tabloid newspapers were called in: Say whatever you like! Print whatever you want! Dish whatever dirt comes into your filthy heads! We want these two trashed. We want everyone in the whole world to despise them! Go! Go! Go!

The Tabloids unleashed their hate. It spread over the whole kingdom. Soon everyone was doubting Snow Black and the Prince – was she really that beautiful? Was she really that good? Did the Prince actually love her or had she snared him with her feminine wiles?

One day the handsome young Prince looked at his beautiful Snow Black. He saw tears in her eyes. She was really suffering. This is bloody ridiculous thought the Prince, I’m going to take her for a holiday. Have a think about things.

Immediately, the Wicked Queen, the useless old fart of a King and the dying old grandmother queen, stripped them of their titles and removed their security. The Prince’s brother screamed with laughter. He had always been jealous of his cheeky young brother. His wife could hardly keep the rage from her face every time she saw how beautiful and sweet and loving Snow Black was. How DARE she be so fucking gorgeous.

The young Prince and Snow Black were frightened now. The tabloid beasts had found their holiday house. They were flying overhead. Breaking through the chain link fence. Boating up and down the lake in front with huge telephoto lenses.

Not only that, now they had two tiny children.

The Prince and Snow Black made a decision: they would go on TV and tell the world their side of the story.

The world watched in astonishment. They thought the King and Queen were good people. That the old Grandmother Queen had been a good person. That everything that had gone wrong was entirely the Prince and Snow Black’s fault. Mostly Snow Black’s.

They felt terrible for not having had any sympathy whatsoever for these young people who had never actually done anything wrong.

The day after their story was watched on TV by millions the Wicked Queen threw a lavish lunch party. In front of the world’s cameras she wined and dined the big beasts from the tabloids. The ones who had hounded The Prince and Snow Black for six years. How they loved saying how much they HATED Snow Black! For some reason they couldn’t understand it made them feel brilliant. Fly, fly my pretties said the Wicked Queen, pouring champagne into their gobs, stuffing foie gras into their bellies. Say more! Say everything!

The world watched. Had the Kingdom really become this vicious? This awful? This absolute monstrosity?

Sadly, and terrifyingly, it had.

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